Some funny quotes

[paulgrz]

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood
alcohol content.


You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked.
But then I just drink a little Windex and that keeps me from streaking.


Food has replaced sex in my life,
now I can't even get into my own pants.


Marriage changes passion...
suddenly you're in bed with a relative!

Money can't buy happiness,
but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I got a sweater for Christmas...
really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

I don't approve of political jokes...
I've seen too many of them get elected!

The most precious thing we have is life.
Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dip-shit's.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade;
if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary's.
But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a message!

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person wants to annoy you for the rest of their life.

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

I married my wife for her looks...
but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

[The Rock]

That's are good quotes you got there Paulgrz, lol!! Especially the last one. So very true. But I also liked the money can't buy happiness, sweater for Christmas, and political jokes. Thanks for the laugh.

[flubjub]

Thanks for these qoutes paulgrz the Sweater for christmas one made me laugh.


I think i'll add my own one not not the best but anyway:


'Heroine it's a bit mourish.'