Old one.............but what the hell

[Fujitsu]

I think this one is cool

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation " warning light, and the car would not work.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

[Speed Daemon]

Hehe...yep - oldie but goodie.

[gfedcba]

LOL!!! that's like so very true.........

[blumax]

old maybe but it still brings a chukkle

[Arry]

Damn, and I thought you were talking about yourself!!

An oldie but a goodie Fuji - thanks for bringing back the mammories....

[MikeB]

very good - thanks !

[Tweety]

the one with the toaster is better. I'm looking for it....hehe.

[Tweety]

I've added some new ones. Can you spot them.

If Microsoft made toasters
Even though all your friends would say they hate Microsoft toasters, they'd all have one because the best breads only toast in a Microsoft.

Every time you brought a loaf of bread you would have to buy a toaster.

Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.

If Apple made toasters
They would only toast special Mac bread and wouldn’t accept standard bread for toasting.

If Silicon Graphics made toasters
They would cost $16 million but would be the fastest single-slice toaster in the world. They would be the shape of a perfect cube and the colour wouldn’t match the rest of your kitchen, but it would look really cool.

If CoolerMaster made toasters
They would toast your bread in perfect silence without getting it hot.

If Cisco made toasters
They would be exclusively black and need and new IOS every few weeks. It would refuse to pop up you bread where you put it in and it would secretly side it out the bottom. That is unless you had been on some Cisco Toaster Courses and had been certified as a CCTE (Cisco Certified Toasting Expert). This would be the hardest of all the “kitchen” exams and you would be the envy of all cooks.

If Xerox made toasters
You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you.

If Oracle made toasters
They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing smoke.

If Sony made toasters
The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your belt.

If Fisher Price made toasters
"Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.

If the Franklin Mint made toasters
Every month, you would receive another piece of your toaster. At the end of the series you could assemble you own authentic lovely hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster, which was for display only.

[spuggy]

great toaster joke - I hadn't read it ever before
thanks!