Chuck Norris!

[SuzuZaku]

When God created the Earth he looked upon it and said: "Oh, shit! Is that Chuck Norris?"

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity, twice.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an enormous erection... There were no survivors.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Kind of lonely here, aren't you, SuzuZaku? Try this one:
Joke told on the Tonight Show by Leno. Chuck Norris has turned 60 today. Now his show will now be called "Texas Ranger With A Walker".

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."

Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.

When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, I'm Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.

Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"

Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord.

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

China once bordered the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.

f you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

[Scrambler247]

Chuck Norris turned 60 today and now his show will now be called "Texas Ranger with a Walker".

[Burgerflipp]

I loved "Walker" back in the day;especially the first couple of seasons.Does anyone if its been released on DVD yet ?

[The Rock]

	Quote:			Originally Posted by SuzuZaku
	Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Good ones.

[GeForce]

Nice stuff who the hell is Chuck Norris though

[hamboozler]

	Quote:			Originally Posted by GeForce
	Nice stuff who the hell is Chuck Norris though

You can't be serious.

A little change up that fits this site well:
Mr. T once pitied the clitoris. In response, every woman on the planet Earth had the most intense orgasm she had ever had. Thankfully, Noah was ready.

[osirus]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

[theman21]

lol, chuck norris jokes never get old

[Rainfall]

Dont mess with Cuck Norris he is juts to awesome. =3

[unionboy84]

that's a lot of norris facts, someone i used to run into playing counterstrike a lot would repeat those all the time... over and over... quite funny