Lawyer Jokes... Adzee this ones for you.

[siggy]

As per request...

Blind Bunny, Meet Blind Snake
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."

"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"

"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... You must be a bunny rabbit!"

Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?"

And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy and you haven't got any balls... You must be a lawyer."

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It's Open Lawyer Season!
WASHINGTON STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS

1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout 'whiplash', 'ambulance', or 'free Perrier' for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.
10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies, and vermin.
11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

BAG LIMITS
1. Yellow Bellied Sidewinder 2
2. Two-faced Tort Feasor 1
3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator 4
4. Small-breasted Ball Buster (Female only)3
5. Big-mouthed Pub Gut 2
6. Honest Attorney EXTINCT
7. Cut-throat 2
8. Back-stabbing Whiner 2
9. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser 2
10. Silver-tongued Drug Defender $100 BOUNTY
11. Hairy-assed Civil Libertarian 7

[siggy]

Law School Graduation Gift
Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?

A: A lobotomy.

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Lawyer and Sperm
What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common?

Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.

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Lawyer Croaks
A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week." The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." Once again the receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week."

The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, "I want to speak to my lawyer." "Excuse me sir," the receptionist says, "but this is third time I've had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?" The guy replies, "Because I love hearing it!"

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Lawyer-Client Relations
Q: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex?

A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

[siggy]

Lawyers Stinkin' Up the Place

Why do you need only two pallbearers at a lawyer's funeral?

There are only two handles on a garbage can.

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Lawyers' Lucky Break

Q: What is the definition "lucky break?"
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.

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Marriage Made In Heaven
A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died. When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven.

St. Peter tells them that he'll do his best to work on it for them.

Three months pass by and the couple hear nothing. They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage.

He says, "I'm still working on it."

Two years pass by and no marriage.

St. Peter again assures them that he's working on it.

Finally after twenty long years, St. Peter comes running with a priest and tells the couple it's time for their wedding.

The couple marry and live happily for a while. But after a few months the couple go and find St. Peter and tell him things are not working out, and that they want to get a divorce.

"Can you arrange it for us?" they ask.

St. Peter replies, "Are you kidding?!! It took me twenty years to find a priest up here. How am I gonna find you a lawyer?"

[siggy]

And a shameless rip-off of a Chasing Amy joke, but no matter...

Santa, Tooth Fairy, Drunk, Lawyer
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?

A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

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The Clever Lawyer

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. And, with his lawyer's assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out.

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Skunks and Lawyers

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

[Speed Daemon]

Coupla good ones. LOL

[gfedcba]

LMAO!!!

so much for lawyer jokes.............hehe

[happy173]

Nice ones siggy...eer where's adzee?

In a recent FDA study, the United States government
doctors who were conducting studies on test drugs
administered weekly doses of VIAGRA to an equal
number of doctors and lawyers.

While the majority of the doctors achieved enhanced
sexual prowess, the lawyers simply grew taller.

The US government researchers are at a loss to
explain.


One afternoon at the bank, in a long line of people
waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started
massaging the back of the person in front of him.
Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just
what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Well," said the guy. "You see, I'm a chiropractor and
I could see that you were tense, so I just had to
massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help
practicing my art."

"That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard!" the guy
replied. "I'm a lawyer. Do you see me screwing the
guy in front of me?"

[fireballer37]

some good ones there...thanks guys

[Speed Daemon]

I like that last one...

[adzee]

LMAO guys!! You guys are spoiling me!! My sides are hurting from laughing so much... and i got a lump on my head from falling outta my chair!!