The five stages of sex

MikeB · **The five stages of sex -** 06-10-2003, 03:18 PM

have fun

The Five Stages of Sex

1) The first is Smurf Sex.
This happens during the honeymoon, you both
keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

2) The second is Kitchen Sex.
This is at the beginning of the marriage,
you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in
the kitchen while she's trying to wash the
dishes.

3) The third kind is Bedroom Sex.
You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids,
so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

4) The fourth kind is Hallway Sex.
This is where you pass each other in the
hallway and say, "F*** you!"

5) The fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex.
This is when you get divorced and your wife
screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.

**Tweety** · 06-10-2003, 03:23 PM

i'm at stage 3.5.

we never do it any more.....

Toelover · 06-10-2003, 03:29 PM

Stage 1 here : I'm having smurf sex on my own !!

But keep your fingers crossed ... I'm working on something ... (i hope I can make my geek percentage drop by having a gf)

tichy · 06-10-2003, 05:23 PM

To Toelover some quotes of Woody Allen that might cheer you up:

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone you
love.

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

I'm such a good lover because I practise a lot on my own.

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

Cheers!